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I make up my own dances. I sing High School Musical in public places. People look at me funny and I look at them funny. I've read the entire Harry Potter series 5 times and watch the history channel for fun... yeah... I'm that girl.
I enjoy pretending, but this is not the time or place!
So the other day I was in Walmart and I was a little curious so I looked at a box of condoms. I had never bought them or even looked at prices before and now I know I won’t buy them because I’m poor.
CONDOMS ARE SO EXPENSIVE! WHY?
Anyways, I think something needs to be done about this. I am writing my congressman. What are YOU going to do to fix this problem?
In conclusion, I plan on being abstinent until marriage for several reasons… one of which being OVERPRICED CONDOMS.
Seriously, Trojan? Be the change you wish to see in the world.
So yesterday I got a flat tire! It was absolutely horrible and it ruined my day. I took my car to the dealership and got it fixed. Awesome. Still ruined my day.
So as I walk in to get my keys back and pay, the man who helped me out told me that he worked at Kinnebrew Motors with my dad.
He didn’t say much of anything else, but I do remember that he said that my dad was the finest man he ever knew.
My dad worked at Kinnebrew Motors over 30 years ago. The fact that this man remembered him and even still admires him is such a testament of who my dad was. I always thought I was biased because I am my fathers daughter, but apparently I’m not. My father touched so many peoples lives, including mine. My goal this year is to try to be more like him. I want to be the woman that he prayed for me to become.
Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday. He would’ve been 59.
So basically I am not so sad that I got a flat tire yesterday. Sure, it was unfortunate, but just to talk to that guy was worth it all. Just talking to people about my dad is worth four flat tires simultaneously.
Tomorrow, I will celebrate my dad’s life. I will love him and spend my time with him like I always do because he’s always with me. I will pray for the day when I can see him again and I praise God that that day is just around the corner. And he will not be the dad that I remember. He will be perfect and we will dance together with all of God’s people at His throne.
I can’t even fathom what that will feel like. All I know is that I am so grateful that my earthly father gave me to God. He gave me to Him because he knew that I would have to rely on God and cry out to Him. My wonderful, loving, caring, amazing father gave me up to a King who would love me a million times more than he ever did. And thats all I have to say about that.
Today I was just doing what I normally do when I kind of realized that… I don’t really know that I want to do it anymore. A couple of hours ago I walked out of David’s house to my car and thought, “what if I just need something different”.
“What if this person here isn’t me? What if I’m not here?”
Let me get one thing straight. I love my friends. They are the same people as they were when I met them… actually maybe a little different… but good different. I love everyone in my life, but I am not sure if I love my life.
I certainly do like it! I happy that I am alive and get to experience all of the things that I have experienced… but I want more.
I know this might sound stupid and you might be thinking, “get a grip, Kelsey, life is hard. It’s not fun. Deal with it!” And you would be right in saying it, but right now, at this very moment sitting on my bed, I am not content. I feel like there are so many things I need to think about that I would rather not think about. I honestly don’t want to be a responsible adult right now.
I have been feeling like this for a while. I sort of feel like I failed this year in almost every aspect.
I didn’t get good grades.
I didn’t get high ranks in Forensics.
I didn’t really please my family.
I didn’t treat my friends with the love they deserved.
I didn’t treat myself with enough respect.
And I certainly didn’t treat my body with respect.
I felt like shit the last 2 months my freshman year of college. I rarely ate anything of nutritional value, got almost zero sleep, and I was living with the highest stress levels I think I have ever had.
(Maybe that feeling is what keeps me in this hole that I can’t seem to get out of)
Honestly, I think all of that should have taught me something. I know it taught me not to get wasted the night before a midterm, but how the hell is that going to help me in life? All I know from that is… I really don’t ever want to drink that much again.
Anyway, it didn’t teach me anything. It just makes me want to feel sorry for myself this summer. I have devised plans to get out of this rut that I am obviously in, but I am starting to loose hope. I tend to spend more time and brain power on things that don’t matter at all… like boys.
BOYS!
Let’s talk about them for a little bit. Or rather…. I am going to talk TO you for a little bit…
Okay guys… you confuse the hell out of me. If you don’t like me, don’t touch me. If you tell me I’m pretty, don’t sound like you’re joking. If you want to date me, ask me. If you like Keanu Reeves, don’t waste your time.
At thins point… I wish you would just all go away. I am tired of trying to impress you. I waste too much time and money for you to do nothing. Can someone just fill me in? I know I’m worth a whole hell of a lot. But could someone just tell me if I can stop wasting my time?
Why do I do that anyway? Why do I have to wear make up and do my hair to feel good? I wish make up would go away too….
So where did that little girl go? The one that was loud and funny and only liked clothes that were comfortable? Where’s that girl with the stringy blonde hair that was rarely ever brushed? Where’s that little girl that didn’t see the difference between fat and skinny?
I want her back. I want to love my body and not compare it to other women’s. I want to be confident in myself so that I can be loud and crazy whenever I want. I don’t want to go on a diet. So why can’t I do that? Because I feel ugly. What kind of messed up world has the power to make people feel ugly?
I am so sick of people judging other people based on looks. It makes me sick. I am not kidding. God created all of us in his image, so why can’t we see ourselves as beautiful people? Yes, of course we are flawed and dirty, but we should be able to find the beauty in everyone around us. Don’t you realize how amazing it is that we get to see so many different people each day; each person possessing a beautiful characteristic making them different from everyone else? Do you realize that every person on this earth is different and that should be praised. CELEBRATED even!
And that’s even before they open their mouths.
See people. Don’t just look at them. Smile. SEE that their life is so beautiful because OUR GOD made it.
I’m just going to end there… This whole post was a tangent… I won’t be offended if you stopped reading.
Today is the DAY!!!! Today I start my new life! I am starting my lovely diet today just to make myself feel better. I am inspired by myself. The only person who can change my life is me and… well God… and believe me… He’s working! AND I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I love feeling his presence. Last week was so hard for me. I realized I wasn’t the person God wanted me to be. It took a big wake up call for me to realize that. So now I am ready to change, get healthy, and MY GOD…. clean my room! YAY FOR SUMMER AND CHANGING LIVES!!!!!!
I thought I should say something on here as a tribute to my dad. He was a wonderful man. I hope this might help you all appreciate your fathers… or remember them or maybe just find the good in him. Everyone has a dad and every dad influences their children’s life. So why not.
A little background information. Five years ago today, my family decided to take my father off life support after he experienced a bicycle accident. He was an avid cyclist and annually followed the riders of the Tour de Georgia. His accident happened on Brass Town Bald; the highest point in Georgia. He fell, hit his head on some rocks that caused serious brain damage. He did not have a pulse for seven minutes until a fellow rider and doctor fortunately got his pulse back. He was life flighted to an Atlanta hospital. He was declared brain dead a few days later, so we decided to take him off life support. If he were alive, he would be paralyzed from the neck down. I really don’t know why I am taking all this time to say this… but I really feel like it should be said…
I was fourteen when he died. I didn’t really know what was happening. I know that sounds stupid, but it’s actually really true. I remember I was sort of in denial. For months, I thought he was going to come back. For some reason, I kept thinking that he was on a long business trip or something. About 3 years ago, I accepted it. That he was gone and never going to come back.
I remember sleepless nights and nightmares. Every time I would close my eyes, he was there, but he was not my dad. He was just a scarred, bruised, dead man. I didn’t ever want to see him like that. To me, he was indestructible. He was like Dumbledore. As long as he was around, nothing bad could ever happen to me. Nothing could ever harm me. Like most fathers, he kept me safe, so after he died, I didn’t feel safe anymore. I was afraid to leave the house and my family. I was afraid of everything.
Nowadays, I feel kinda stupid for being so afraid of everything. I literally didn’t do anything. I never left the house. I guess now the only thing that scares me is that I’ll never get married… or date stupid guys or something. My dad really caused me to set my standards high. You probably think I’m biased and well… okay of course I am, but if you ask anyone who ever knew my dad, they would tell you that he was one of the best men they ever knew. He was selfless, Godly, kind, and smart. I remember when I ever I would tell him how great he was, he would always say, “I’m just a regular guy!” and that was the best part about him. He was normal, but to me, he was everything.
So now I’m 19. I’ve lived without my dad around me for 5 years, and though I strive to live every day, happy and ready to take on what the world gives me, some days it’s really difficult. It’s not too bad… the difficult days are days like his birthday, fathers day… and well… today. But I try and remember the wonderful man and dad he was. So today I am just going to live because I know that’s all he would want me to do. I am also going to try to do my best on this math final I have in approximately 3 hours.
So let’s go! Let’s live the next five years with everything we have! We don’t have time to dilly dally! I know that the next five years will be the best of my life because I know that my dad wants that for me… and my sisters and I are his best memory! I don’t think my dad ever regretted anything in his life, and I don’t have time to regret anything either.
I know you’re jealous.
Anyways, I’d like to take this opportunity to talk about how wonderful Matthew Thompson is.
1. He makes me laugh… a lot.
2. His dog is amazing.
3. His mom just fed me.
4. And most of all, he accepts me just the way I am. And that means everything to me.
So if you don’t know Matt, get to know him. He’s a cool dude and if you’re his friend, he’ll show you funny videos!
In 10 days, my first year of Forensics will be over.
Right now, I don’t even know if I can handle all of my emotions. Sadness, excitement… hell! NERVOUSNESS!!!! In 2 days I will be on my way to the National Forensics Tournament. So many feelings of stress and nausea… not to mention I just cleaned the entire Forensics office on a stress induced rampage! But that’s beside the point!
Most of my sadness comes from the fact that my lovely varsity members are leaving. They have taught me so many things about this event as well as things about life. They have watched me grow from a little, meek freshman competitor into a serious competitor. I wish we could all stay together, but I am excited for them to “pass down the torch” and let me and the other novices lead. It will be a bittersweet night for all of us.
I am so excited to go to nationals. My pieces are almost ready and I am confident that we will KILL nationals!!!
BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!!!
“feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got”
So I just need to say this.
And it probably could be wrong of me.
And I MIGHT get some flack…
But I would just like to say…
Joseph Kony has been a very bad man for a very long time. To me, all of the stuff is like a slap in the face, but a bad slap. A slap that only hurts because the person who slapped you is stupid.
Yes. Joseph Kony is bad. He took over the LRA which started the civil war in Northern Uganda. He kidnapped children and forced them to be soldiers. This started roughly 25 years ago.
I support this video whole heartedly, but I think it’s just sad that it has taken this long for people to realize something needs to be done about him.
I encourage all of you to watch the movie, Invisible Children, then watch this video. I encourage you to do this so you will know the severity of the situation. Though the rebel parties in Northern Uganda are laying low for a while, there is no certainty that this war will not happen again.
Before you get a fired up about this. Before you post an angry status on Facebook. Before you pretend to care about this issue for a few weeks… Pray. Search your heart. If you are a Christian as I am a Christian. If you believe that God is all powerful, you know that nothing can be done without Him. Let God be the motivation for our radical behavior. Let Him be the motivation for justice and freedom!
Please don’t get mad at me. This is just my opinion. A lot of people know a lot more about this than I do.
That’s all I have to say.
But if I did, I’d buy a big house where we both could live!
Just kidding. That would be crazy!!! I don’t even have enough money to make a boyfriend a sandwich.
Today was a very interesting day. I did close to nothing. I got out of bed at 5 in the evening. That being said, I thought a lot about stuff today. Because I am in college and a lot of my friends are getting married, well… that’s what I thought about. My initial thought was, “I’m single and that makes me sad. I’m not sexy so guys don’t like me.” And then I said “LIES”, just like that actually! It irritates the crap out of me when I think these thoughts because they are not true; not to mention the fact that people look at me funny when I yell, “LIES” in the middle of the grocery store. I have a problem, but it is a problem that can easily be fixed. No. I am not just going to find a boyfriend really fast, I am going to embrace my singleness.
This makes me think about my future husband and how important he is to me. I may not know him or anything about him, but I know that he will appreciate the embracement of my singleness. I know he will make me happy and think I am beautiful and love me for who I am. I know he will watch movies with me, not change the song until it’s over, and I know he will not eat my girl scout cookies. So because of all these things, I will wait for him. I will wait for him patiently. But this doesn’t mean that I won’t date. I hope my husband will read this, because he needs to relax too! I’m in no hurry. I just can’t wait to meet you.
To others feeling the same as I:
Well… I have said what I had to say. OH! And the title was just to get you to read this. YAY FOR EXPERIMENTATION!!!!!
My name is Kelsey Kinnebrew and I approve this message.
